Serious Girl

It has come to my attention that I have been far to humorous both in print, and in person, and whatever this is.  I realize that the single class of the fairer sex does not really like this.  Oh sure the first thing on their long list of magical abilities they must have in their perspective male accessory is that they be humorous.  By this, they only humor themselves.  We all know that life is really all about being serious, they are quite serious themselves, which is why they would never dare to get so much as an A- all the way through grad school.  And there are so many things to be seriously worried about.  There is of course the ever looming WWIII, War in the Middle East, The Yellowstone Super Volcano, and now, a new threat as never before, of breaking your smartphone.  Not to mention the millions of food combinations that can result in sudden death at the slightest miscalculation.  As any serious woman knows the only solution is to constantly read every blog post from every blog on the subject of Organic Food and of course the ever formidable GMO’s.  I will pause while you shudder.  And who can ever know if their food has enough adjectives describing the entire life story of this food’s extended family and that of the extended family of the people who killed it and sold it to you?  All in all avoiding all the known and unknown dietary pitfalls requires the enlistment of none other than Batman.  No not that one, I’m talking about Michael Keaton in his stylishly modified Corvette.  Speaking of fast cars, I suppose I will have to sell that as well.  Serious women and I suppose God, knows that cars are the surest way to meet your own demise these days.  And who knows if I am using the correct child seat?  Which brings us to the subject of kids,  Women know that kids are really just a list of things to worry about.(Is that why they love them so much?)  Which is why they view men as kids, because what is more worrisome than a creature that doesn’t worry constantly?  Now that I think about it I’m not sure I exercised enough today, much less worried about exercise.  In fact I probably spent more time making sarcastic jokes and wisecracks, by far, than I did exercising.  Oh dear.  Is there any hope for me?  All in all I am probably exactly like that guy you dated in whenever from wherever, who dared to threaten the perfect plan you had for you life.  We really are all alike and how dare we. You should probably just stick to your Nazi war, I mean career path.  As it turns out, I will probably never be less funny or less dangerous.  But I will have more money, which would allow me to get a silly girl.  Hmm.

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