The Tête à Tête. William Hogarth. 1743.
I guess, like everything, this could just be seen as jaded complaining. But really it’s observations from years of trying to find someone to marry. I mean I have been on the receiving end of enough speeches by jaded women, it would only be fair. But alas this is not the case. Each of these observations describes at least three or four people I have personally spoken to. Recent forays into online dating are akin to having your face melted by opening the Ark of the Covenant. Even since the last time I tried it a mere 3 or 4 years ago, things have gotten far worse in every way. Though truth and good advice are appropriate for every human, this is directed to Christian women, or at least those who still claim to be. And as it gets worse, soon they will not claim that title, which is good in some ways. But the trend is bad. We must distinguish ourselves from it.
• Just because you found out your first boyfriend wasn’t perfect, doesn’t mean you are. It may be that there are no men worth marrying, or it may be that you have impossible standards, which doesn’t make you all that attractive. This is the most frustrating and common thing I have seen. This is the best things in woman abused or corrupted. I find it scary almost when a woman brazenly glosses over these pains and moves on easily without hesitation. Silly girls. But what to do about the jaded girl? Step one would be don’t allow it to happen in the first place. Cherish and protect virginity and the gentle spirit of a girl at all costs. Give her the love she needs between father and daughter so that she doesn’t go looking for it elsewhere. Unfortunately even this is corrupted in our culture, which loves finding camaraderie with others in sharing the horror stories of fathers who dared to not be nice. Who dared to say the wrong thing, from time to time. Who dared to not give me everything I wanted. Who dared to feel defeat at the hands of their wives or communities. Or whatever the list. And every action of every male from the first compiles adding to the growing list. But overall the main problem is often the high horse from which you dispense these judgements. Are you perfect? Did you never cause harm to any male? You never got your brother in trouble? You never lied, or used your feminine wiles to get your way? You never enticed a man with your body? I know it’s the spirit of the age that no one is allowed to suggest that women can sin. But Scripture is clear, the woman sinned first, the woman was deceived, women sin. But even the sin of bitterness can be forgiven. I understand that your first boyfriend or your father or someone did something bad to you. But why do you let that define you and prevent you from a happy marriage and family with a Godly man? It is not good for man to be alone, and by depriving some man of his wife, in favor of your bitterness, you do a worse thing. I’m sure even the best man will remind you of the problems you encounter. All men have a lot in common, because they are not women. But Christ calls us to lay down our rights, as he did. We must take up our cross if we want to be exalted. Sacrificing yourself is what it’s all about, regardless of the outcome. God will look favorably upon you.
• Girl hides, boy pursues, girl draws in more, boy pursues more. Boy is accused of being creepy. Boy doesn’t do this he is not bold enough, a wimp, or not a leader. Chesterton said that he found “not that Christianity was so bad that it included any vices but that any stick was good enough to beat Christianity with”. Not that males are perfect but the absurd accusations on both sides of any issue, do resemble a circular firing squad. “. . .What again could this astonishing thing be like which people were so anxious to contradict, that in doing so they did not mind contradicting themselves?” It is almost humorous to hear women lament that men are both not forward enough and that they are not respectful enough. Introducing yourself in the Victorian manner through friends or flowers is creepy, “accost me on the street face to face” they wail. Stop them on the street and they find it also creepy, “I don’t know you.” they shriek. “Don’t tell me what to do”. “Why aren’t you leading.” And it is fitting that there is a parallel between the male and the Church. This is the authority structure, created by God, which we all rail against. From the first day Satan thought he could do things better and mocked God, to yesterday when you mocked your pastor, president, husband or boss. And that last one creates a whole other category of frustration I encountered often in the dating world. Of course you watch the Office constantly because the only relationship you have is with your boss, and the national past time is complaining about work. AAHHHHH! I’ve had enough. Good men should be able to endure abuse no matter how nonsensical from all sides by their women. But when it prevents them getting their feet in the door, if there is no commitment, it is a hindrance. Like all of this, things our forefathers had figured out and which we insist on reinventing, despited the fact that it isn’t working. Having fathers and mothers assist their daughters in picking husbands was not a bad thing. I find I am far more attractive to women who have been married. They know what men are, and what they are supposed to be. Their whims and dreams and Hollywood ideals are reigned in by reality. This little thing you complain about now, might be the most useful thing in a healthy marriage.
• “I’m a dog-mom because I don’t have kids”, sounds a lot like “I’m just watching porn until I get married”. One is culturally—required almost, the other is just another proof that males are evil. But both satiate a desire in part which makes it more difficult to complete it in whole. Why make myself available to those pawing men, when I can stay home with the friendly dog? And not that this is the only such distraction. She may also pour herself into her job with the same vigor and reward which a marriage might offer, except for the kids. Unless she works with kids which is statistically very probable. I understand that monthly reminder and that biological clock are good motivators. But filling the voids the wrong way is ultimately unsatisfying. Singles groups contribute to this a lot I believe. They look good on Church FB but 10 years later, no fruit, no kids. Pressure others and yourself to get married. Marriage is good, children are a blessing. Dog-moms and cat-ladies are sad.
• “As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.” –Proverbs 22:11 But I find that most of these creatures, fair to look upon, have not only soiled their persons with lack of discretion, but with actual gold in their actual snouts. Cultural symbols may be appropriated as the ‘gays’ have stolen the rainbow. But this is clearly not the case with such counter-cultural ornaments. Have tattoos become a sign of the Christian? Has a people ever increasingly pierced and inked become more Christian? Has a Christian herd going along with the world more and more become more Christian in any way? I think an honest answer to all of these questions is “No!”. These accoutrements are a sign, as they have always been, of waywardness. And that counter culture was not a just attack on a rightly defunct culture which deserved to be rebelled against. It was a rebellion against God, his son the Christ and all those who live out his work on this earth as the Body of Christ, the Temple of the Holy Spirit, the Christians. Rings in the noses of animals were for the purpose of leading them more easily, and so these women are led by cultural trends they don’t understand, away from what is good, true and beautiful. Piercings were once a sign of slavery or ownership and so they are today a sign of slavishly following whatever is in vogue, or Vogue, primarily driven by those who find the male anus more beautiful than a well crafted and fruitful woman. All in all, criticism is getting old, I am tired of saying it. But it seems that no one else will state the obvious and that arresting the spread of the social contagion is a necessary first step in continuing where we went so far astray, as the Congregation of God’s people. Please, stop mutilating your face and cover up your cleavage and your butt. It is further humorous to constantly encounter pleas on behalf of the women that men put their shirts on. Apparently what’s the hallmark of the goose is repulsive in the gander. Or it’s just another cheap shot and lame excuse as to why you are at home on the internet and not married.
“Every woman is beautiful.” And the other side of the above, is not caring at all how you look. There is a lot of weirdness on this front. It’s as if our bodies don’t matter they are just wrappers for our souls or brains or the real us. But if your body doesn’t matter you should probably just shoot yourself and liberate your soul to be all that it can be. There is also some idea that it’s not good to be liked for your body because you can’t control how you look or genetics or what have you. But that applies to everything. You think you earned your job or position? You think you did something to make God accept you? What do you have that was not given to you? As God might say, in fact I think he did. There is a relationship here. We are body, mind and soul. We are both, given bodies we didn’t make and we are responsible for care-taking those bodies. Our body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. As women desiring children and marriage, you should cultivate a body which is conducive to that life. Men are generally attracted to characteristics that are actually related to having healthy children. Being vastly overweight is becoming more common. And while glorifying stick models as the norm is not healthy, justifying whatever you feel like being is not good either. When was the last time you heard a sermon on gluttony? But it’s a thing generally paired with drunkenness in the Bible. Another social ill which seems to be cute up until that point where you kill someone with your car. Alcohol and food are good things. Jesus feasted with real joy. His first miracle was turning water into wine. But to make every day a feast is to make no day special. Don’t make yourself attractive so you can show it off on Instagram but also don’t let your stomach rule. Prepare your lamp for the wedding night, make yourself beautiful for your husband.
Either women really will sleep with anyone, or they think they need to say that they will, to get someone to be interested in them. The most egregious version of this is the self-righteous girl who attacks men thinking they will score on the first night only to proclaim that the proper time frame is not 1-4 dates but 4-6 dates. Only a whore gives it up on the 4th date. A lady waits until the 5th. And so we have the arbitrary caprice of the tyrant. Having thrown out God’s rules, you just make up your own and enforce them by the strength of your own will. Or by the gifts of beauty you have been given by your creator. It seems that such declarations are only made by women who have men falling at their feat. When the drought of men is more deeply felt, due to lack of exercise or lack of genetic conferment, the standard must undoubtedly be lowered a few dates. Ladies save yourself until marriage. There is something almost magical going on here. The genetic code we are all written with is a spoken language. And when we have sex that language combines as a song in harmony. The written language is combined. Do you not know that having sex with a one night stand is to join the Holy Spirit to him? This matters.